LOVECRUSADER

Today was such a hard day for me.

I’ve been losing touch with who I am and Who’s I am.

Pretty much, life as I know it has been crumbling apart. First, my boss wasn’t paying me when he was supposed to. Then, he just stopped paying me all together. THEN!! he gave me the run-around for almost two weeks to only tell me VIA TEXT MESSAGE that i no longer have a job, nor is he able to pay me what he owes me. Two $100 phonebills and a nice $1,375. Now, thats a lot of money. Recession or not. The fact of the matter is that I cannot pay my bills, buy a winter coat and gloves, nor can i pay my phonebill or even eat. But the kicker is how he munstered up the AUDACITY to request I dog-sit his Chihuahuas while he’s chillin in Portugal my birthday week AS A FRIEND!!!! 

I said No. (in a few more words of course)

I have a check for some work I did that NEVER came and the lady is giving me a hard time about cutting me a new check… another $800.

Ok, so now I am broke, jobless and sad because I had to cancel my Birthday plans. I swear it must be against the laws of Life for me to have a DECENT birthday.

Anyway, I got lectured today about how irresponsible I am and that I need not be a free spirit and I need to figure out my life by the end of the week.

I cried my little brown eyes out today.

I cried for hours. I was in bed allllllll daaaaaaay. Depressed about my financial situation. I forgot about the things that bring me joy. I wanted to not be blue anymore but i just couldn’t shake it.

My lover overseas asked me to get out of bed. So I did. I asked him to make me smile, so he did. I’m not crying anymore today.

I remembered what brings me joy. Writing. So I wrote. and I read things I wrote before my writers block ailed me. I read some things that I must have wrote back then to get through what I am going through now. Geez, I love myself lol.

<b><big>And Barbie!!!!! I love you so much. I almost cried when I saw your post. It was the sweetest thing. You have no idea what I am going through other than what i’ve spoken of above. And you have no idea how much better that made me feel. You’ve truly inspired me. and if I’m a scholar, then who the fuxx needs school?? lmao! I love you hunnybee</b></big>

Needless to say, I am feeling better. My situation hasn’t changed yet, but I remembered Who’s I am… and He’s never EVER let me down before…. and He told me He never would.

I believe Him.

ps don’t be surprised if I move to London!!